


About Tricking Villains

by Eggling



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (1963)
Genre: Gen, shameless adaptation of a moomins scene into a fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-02
Updated: 2019-06-02
Packaged: 2020-04-06 14:25:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19064491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eggling/pseuds/Eggling
Summary: “No’ very well-mannered, those children of yours.”“When they’re biting, they’re your children.”The Doctor and Jamie find a gaggle of children.





	About Tricking Villains

**Author's Note:**

> for [keatulie](keatulie.tumblr.com).

“Oh, dear.” The Doctor fumbled with the lock, turning it over as if expecting it to come apart in his hands on its own. “Oh, fiddlesticks. Pass me your knife, would you, Jamie?”

“What’re ye messin’ around with this for?” Jamie drew his knife and handed it to the Doctor, but his voice was sceptical. “I thought ye said we only had a few minutes until they caught us.”

“Well – yes, I did, but if I’m right -” The knife skidded over the metal of the lock, its edge slicing against the Doctor’s finger, and he yelped in alarm. “ _Fiddlesticks_ – here.” He shoved the knife back towards Jamie, putting his cut finger in his mouth. “We ought to get this door open,” he mumbled.

“Would this help?” Stepping past him, Jamie took a key from a hook on the wall and handed it to the Doctor, grinning.

The Doctor glared at him, but took the key and shoved it into the lock. When the door clicked open, it revealed only a small room, empty of any furniture. Its walls were painted with a scene of rolling hills and blue sky, peppered at regular intervals with unnaturally symmetrical clouds and trees. In the centre sat a round, plastic dish, filled with water and a cluster of odd, fuzzy creatures.

“Yes, I thought so.” Stepping inside, the Doctor picked up one of the creatures, holding it up to his eye level. Water streamed from its fur onto his sleeves, but he did not seem to notice. “Myz’aikk are a funny species, you know, Jamie. They undergo partial metamorphosis when they reach adulthood. I did wonder if Bennett was keeping some of the children here.”

“Ye mean he kidnapped them?”

“Oh, I wouldn’t say that. They think he’s their saviour, remember? And I – ah – I think these are quite important children.” The Doctor reached up to touch a pendant strung around the child’s neck. They hissed, snapping at his fingers until he withdrew his hand, and the Doctor placed them back down amongst their fellows. “Symbols of the most important Myz’aikk families. I suspect they think he’s just babysitting.”

“Oh.” Jamie studied the creatures more closely. They looked a little like the adult Myz’aikk he had met, he supposed – without the wings, and their fur rougher and longer, but the vague resemblance was there. “Why would Bennett want tae keep them here? He didnae seem the type to look after a bunch of kids willingly -” Jamie nodded towards the bare room. “An’ he’s not doing a good job of it, either.”

“Well, I’m not quite sure.” The Doctor ushered the cluster of children out of the room. They stared up at him with wide, almost luminescent eyes, seeming equally nervous and fascinated. “Perhaps he felt he needed some form of insurance, if any of the Myz’aikk discovered what he was up to.” He tapped Jamie’s arm. “Come along, we ought to get to the laboratory.”

“Aye.” Jamie broke into a jog to keep up with him. “Hey, do ye think Ben and Polly managed tae stop them from lettin’ off that poison stuff?”

“Well, I certainly hope so. But it could still kill everyone on the surface if we don’t find out what it’s made from -” The Doctor stopped, turning around slowly to look at the gaggle of children trailing after him. “Oh, dear.”

Jamie snorted, muffling his laughter with one hand. “They really like ye.”

“Oh dear, oh _dear_ – run along to your parents now.” The Doctor ushered the children back down the corridor, flapping his arms to shepherd them along. One had latched onto his ankle, and he paused to shake his leg gently, trying to prise their grip off. “There. The exit is...” He pursed his lips, waving his hand vaguely. “Over that way, somewhere.” As one, the children turned to look in the direction he had pointed, then back up at him again. “Don’t you want to go and find your parents?”

“I think they want tae go with you, Doctor,” Jamie said, still struggling to hide his laughter.

The expression his comment earned only made him laugh harder. The Doctor was perfectly calm when faced with a madman about to poison the sky for the sake of selling an empty planet, but a handful of toddlers defeated him. “But I can’t take care of children!” he exclaimed. “Not _now_ , when we’re trying to stop Bennett from killing everyone! I wouldn’t even know how to look after them.” The children were clutching at his trousers and coattails, and his resolve was visibly crumbling. “ _Jamie_ , tell them – tell them they can’t come!”

“Here.” Scooping up the smallest child and depositing them in the Doctor’s arms, Jamie simply grinned at him. “They can help us figure out what Bennett’s done.” Picking up two more children, he tucked one under each arm and set off down the corridor, leaving the Doctor helpless and stranded in a sea of children. “I can babysit while ye work, if ye like.”

“There’ll be no need for babysitting,” the Doctor said, his voice low and dangerous. “They’re not _my_ children.”

“Oh, aye, I was forgetting. I cannae be babysitting if they’re _our_ children.”

“How convenient.”

The Doctor and Jamie wheeled around, searching for the source of the third voice. “Bennett,” the Doctor said wearily. “I wondered when you’d show up.”

The very sight of Bennett made Jamie’s skin crawl with an inexplicable, instinctive distaste. “I hardly wanted to miss out on meeting the people who have caused me such trouble.”

Setting down the children in his arms, Jamie stepped forwards to shield the Doctor, reaching for his knife. “How did ye find us?”

“I wouldn’t do that, if I were you.” Opening his jacket, Bennett gestured to his own knife. Despite his mild expression and neat, businesslike appearance, there was a steeliness in his eyes that told Jamie he would not hesitate to strike. “In fact, I think it would be better if you made your way out. I think you’ll find the authorities waiting for you.” The Doctor clutched the child he was holding closer to his chest, and Bennett’s mouth quirked into an infuriatingly smug smile. “Quickly.”

The Doctor shuffled his feet, considering, but stood his ground. “Not unless you tell us why you’ve been keeping the children down here.”

Bennett shrugged, still smiling in a way that set Jamie’s teeth on edge. “They’ll be the generation of Myz’aikk that inherits the place once my work is done,” he said smoothly. “Sacrifices must be made, of course, and most of the surface population will die during the terraforming, but I never intended for the Myz’aikk to be entirely wiped out.”

The Doctor let out a hollow, humourless laugh. “You’re not that charitable, Bennett.”

“An’ we’ve seen your sales records,” Jamie put in. “We know you’re just going tae sell the planet off tae the highest bidder. Ye never meant for the Myz’aikk to survive.”

“It’s something to do with these, isn’t it?” The Doctor indicated the pendant hanging around the neck of the child he was holding. “Yes, I thought so. A child from every prominent Myz’aikk family. They were your insurance policy, in case anyone dared stand up to you.”

For a brief moment, Bennett’s calm facade flickered, his eyes flashing yellow and slitted before turning blue again. Jamie took a step back, startled. The revelation that Bennett was not human should hardly have been surprising, and yet somehow it made him seem more threatening. He could be hiding anything about himself. “I think we’d better do as he says, Doctor.”

“Ah – yes, you’re right.” Turning back towards the entrance, the Doctor ushered the children along before him. “Come along, everyone, it’s time we were gone.” He was still holding the smallest child, and busied himself with murmuring to them insistently, as if comforting them. They stared back at him, their dark eyes wide and serious, occasionally nodding at something he said.

When Jamie leant over, the pair fell quiet. “We could take him,” he hissed. “I’ve got my knife, an’ he cannae fight off both of us.”

“That would be rather ill-advised, I think,” the Doctor whispered back. “Better to let him take us outside.”

“So he can poison the world while we try an’ get back in?”

“Now, Jamie -”

“Quiet!” The hilt of Bennett’s knife slammed into Jamie’s back, sending him stumbling forwards, almost tripping over the cluster of children.

The Doctor stared at the corridor ahead of them for a moment, not reacting to either Bennett’s words or Jamie’s yelp of surprise and pain. At length, he set down the child he was holding, letting them scurry over to join the others. “I – I refuse to be treated like this,” he blustered. “You can’t just push us around, you know.”

“I can do whatever I like,” Bennett replied, cold and calm as ever. “You forfeited your legal rights when you broke into my bunker.”

Jamie watched incredulously as the Doctor turned to nudge the closest child towards Bennett with his foot. “Ah – yes, but – we haven’t been accused of anything yet, have we?”

“Aye, who put ye in charge?” Jamie added when the Doctor winked at him. “Surely what happens tae us is for the Myz’aikk to decide.”

Before Bennett could reply, the children surged forwards, pushing past the Doctor and Jamie to swarm up his limbs and drag him down. Bennett struggled to throw them off, but they only clutched at him more tightly, digging their tiny, needle-sharp claws into him. When he yelped in pain, a few of them laughed, and Jamie swore that one or two bit Bennett to make him cry out again.

“No’ very well-mannered, those children of yours,” he said to the Doctor, grinning.

“When they’re biting, they’re your children,” the Doctor shot back. Stumbling forwards under the weight of the children, Bennett made a break for the end of the corridor. Jamie made as if to go after him, but the Doctor laid a hand on his arm, holding him back. “I don’t think he’ll get very far.”

“He’s gettin’ away!” Jamie argued. “An’ what if he hurts the children?”

“Oh, I shouldn’t worry about that.” Leading Jamie after Bennett, the Doctor pointed up a ramp leading out into the daylight.

Rounding the corner and catching sight of a cluster of Myz’aikk in uniform, Jamie sighed, his heart sinking. _Bennett wasn’t lying about the authorities_ , he thought. _They’ve got us now, and the planet will die…_ But when he glanced back up, he saw that they were standing behind Ben and Polly, who held the still-struggling Bennett between them. The children were clustered around his legs, darting to and fro to avoid Bennett’s kicks.

“There you are, you see?” the Doctor said, sounding a little too satisfied with himself.

“Doctor!” Ben called down to him. “What do you want us to do with him?”

“Lock him up somewhere,” the Doctor replied. “Have you taken care of the poison?”

“Yes, it’s all gone,” Polly said. She winced as Bennett tugged away from her, but only tightened her grip on his collar. “It was lucky you told us to come back here, or we wouldn’t have caught him.”

“Ye couldn’t have planned all that,” Jamie protested. “Ye had no idea the children were down here. An’ ye couldn’t have predicted that they’d imprint on ye like ducklings, either.”

The Doctor gave him a knowing look, but broke down into laughter a moment later. “It was quite the stroke of luck,” he admitted. “Ah – Ben, Polly?” They turned back towards him as he shouted. “You will look after the children, won’t you?”

Ben snorted. “Hauling around a criminal and a bunch of children. I don’t know if I feel like a copper or a nanny.”

“Splendid.” The Doctor dabbed at his eyes with his handkerchief surreptitiously, then waved it towards the children. “Goodbye, all our little children!”

“Thanks for all your help!” Jamie put in, grinning. As they turned to hurry back into the depths of the bunker, he nudged the Doctor’s side. “All _our_ little children?”

The Doctor huffed. “Hush, you.”


End file.
